he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
