I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
