Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
