booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
