Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
