but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
