tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
