And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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