i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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