Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
