im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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