Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
