and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
