I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
