I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is it because I queefed?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
