are you so shy because you have an std?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
