I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
