Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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