carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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