I wish I only lived at night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize