I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
