halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
