either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
