I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
