is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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