I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
