when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
