My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ruined the universe
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
