I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
