Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
