He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
