ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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