help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
