Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
