at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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