so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
