she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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