I need help removing her.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
