those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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