Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
