another moral hangover. fuck.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
