remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
