Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
