sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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