dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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