I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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