He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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