Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
