I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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