ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
