made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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