My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
