i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
