You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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