Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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