It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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