is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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