I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
