i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
