okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
