So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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