I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was born a porn star she said
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
