Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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