Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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