I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
