Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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