In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
